Can you tell us something about yourself?
Of course. My name is Paddy and I am the rat who lives in the back gardens of nos. 41, 43 and 45 Alveston Road.
How do you spend your day?
As soon as I wake up, I check if the two-leggeds at no. 43 have left me some breakfast. I guess they think they are feeding the birds, but most of it is actually eaten by me. Gullible idiots…
After breakfast I move over the wall to the garden at no. 45. There’s usually something to eat there as well. Then I pop over to the allotments for a chat with my cousins, who live in an abandoned shed.
I don’t actually like going into the garden at no. 41 too much, coz the woman who lives there is a right b**ch.
Do you have any family and friends nearby?
Yeah. My sister Clara and her two young’uns lived in the garden at no. 43 for a while. They had some nice digs under the statue of the Buddha, but then one of the kids became a bit too enthusiastic while digging an extension and the whole thing collapsed in on them. At least they got out unharmed.
Then there are my cousins at the allotments and my pal Vinnie, who lives at the bottom of the hill near the electric substation. A bit too busy for me, so close to the main road, but he seems to like it.
Do you have any hobbies?
Eating is actually my main hobby, but I also like to hang around unseen on the wall between nos 41 and 43 and watch the two-leggeds argue. They are a crazy bunch.
Do you have any idea at the mayhem you have caused between the neighbours?
Well, the b**ch at no. 41 hates me for some reason, which I take exception to as I just mind my own business, but the ones at no. 43 are nice coz of the food. I did notice the other day that the b**ch at no. 41 was screaming at the ones at no. 43 that she wants me out of their garden. As if she has any say over what I do…
Do you feel at all threatened by what the people at Alveston Road do?
Last week Clara’s fiancé, who’d only just moved in with her, was hit in the head with a brick. Unfortunately he didn’t live to tell the tale, so yeah, I do feel a bit threatened by some of the behaviour of the two-leggeds around here.
Do you think the two-leggeds as you call them, will ever stop putting out food for the birds?
I surely hope not, coz I love living in this neighbourhood. However, I will keep an eye on the situation between the two-leggeds at nos. 41 and 43. If they start acting even more unpredictable, I will probably up sticks and move down the hill a bit. Would be nice to see my pal Vinnie a bit more often anyway.
What is your favourite kind of cheese?
Most definitely blue stilton.
Thank you for your candour, Paddy and good luck for the future!
Interested in reading about the other writers in the Indie Block Party? Then follow this link! (Scroll down the post a bit until you see the picts of the participants.)